Home > Uncategorized > Lions look toward Pacman

Lions look toward Pacman

By some accounts the Detroit Lions are on the verge of signing free agent Adam “Pacman” Jones, which can only be described as a brilliant stratagem for a team that has gone 2-30 over the past two seasons.

[picapp align=”left” wrap=”true” link=”term=Pacman+Jones&iid=353013″ src=”0349/f46593f8-2131-4da8-8cc5-63026f77cb5c.jpg?adImageId=11885205&imageId=353013″ width=”234″ height=”351″ /]Who else to lead a team devoid of talent and leadership than a wise old veteran brimming with poise and know-how?

This is the kind of bold move the Lions were hoping for from team president Matt Millen. What’s that? He’s not the team president anymore? Oh. So who’s getting the credit for this Polian-esque move? Why, it’s former Titans defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz, who became the Lions coach last season and promptly led them to two whole victories.

If anyone knows Jones, it’s Schwartz. The two were together here in Nashville when the Titans drafted the West Virginia cornerback/return specialist, and Schwartz coached him for the two seasons in which he was eligible to play. If you’re a little confused as to why he was eligible for only two seasons, wellll … he sort of got kicked out of the league for a year by Commissioner Roger Goodell.

Goodell sent a letter to Pac and his peeps in April 2007 that read, in part: “Your conduct has brought embarrassment and ridicule upon yourself, your club, and the NFL, and has damaged the reputation of players throughout the league. You have put in jeopardy an otherwise promising NFL career, and have risked both your own safety and the safety of others through your off-field actions. In each of these respects, you have engaged in conduct detrimental to the NFL and failed to live up to the standards expected of NFL players. Taken as a whole, this conduct warrants significant sanction.”

See? That’s a leader right there. Not even anyone at the Cincinnati Halfway House, otherwise known as the Bengals’ practice facility, has managed to conduct himself so badly that he got tossed for an entire season.

As the story goes Jones, who already had a criminal record from his collegiate days, was arrested six different times between being drafted in April 2005 and being booted two years later. See? That shows his speed right there. The guy works fast.

Here is a list of his arrests and other assorted transgressions from ESPN.com: http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2790090. And that’s not even a complete list.

It’s painfully obvious this is a guy you want in your locker room, nay, need in your locker room. He’s a visionary. He’s done more for the weather than Al Roker because of his ability to “make it rain.”

The guy is fearless, too. The night before he met with Goodell for the first time he was spotted at a New York strip club. You’re called to powwow with the commish about your spotty conduct and mere hours beforehand you’re partying with NY’s finest? Bring on the Vikings and Packers!

Do they have strip clubs in Detroit? More good Pacman can do. Given the right contract he could singlehandedly resuscitate the Motor City’s flagging economy.

Schwartz has a franchise to turn around. With moves like this he can continue in the tradition established by Millen, whose teams never finished higher than third in the division and went 31-81 in seven completely forgettable seasons.

For Titans fans, anywhere is better than here.

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. Daniel
    March 30, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    Maybe the lions are looking for some more coverage from the media to stay relevant. Pacman can certainly provide that, even if it is from police reports.

  2. Jordan
    March 30, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    Haha nice one dan, I agree.

    Pacman may sign with the Lions, but being in Detroit is way worse than being in Nashville. He’ll be out of there soon enough, looking for a new team in a hopefully nicer city.

  3. Daniel
    March 31, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    Wait…are you saying Detroit isn’t a nice city? How dare you! They just held a Super Bowl there. It’s a happenin place!

  4. Jordan
    March 31, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    Haha the Super Bowl may have been very happenin’ but still. Detroit ranked 4th in crime rate last year and over 1/3 of the population lives in poverty. Looks like the rest of the city is pretty happenin’ too, Pac-daddy should love it! (cough, cough)

  5. Daniel
    March 31, 2010 at 6:44 pm

    Pacman won’t care about the crime rate or poverty, he just cares about where it ranks it strip clubs. And Detroit ranks 11th in the nation. (Note: the last statistic was made up). Also, you’re underestimating the impact Pac will have on the economy. With the way he makes it rain, pretty soon all the strippers in town will be moving to Beverly Hills.

  6. Jordan
    March 31, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    Ok I agree with you, Pac will boost Detroit’s economy with his stripper dollars and the city will be a thriving metropolitan once again – awesome.

  7. Daniel
    March 31, 2010 at 8:24 pm

    Haha great. I’m glad were on the same page

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